i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
