Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
