2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
