I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
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I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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