My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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