We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
