life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
he wants to bone in the snuggie
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
