i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
