I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
God, I missed his penis.
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