Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
