it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
MIDGETS
????
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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