I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
