Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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