I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
