erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
