why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
