The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
