i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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