Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just threw up on my dentist
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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