i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
