She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
