Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
