I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
