I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
NoShamevember. You game?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
