Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.