You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
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Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party