I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
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Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
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College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."