i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Boobs are out for the taking
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered