At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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