Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.

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  (734): Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid. http://tfl.nu/qckj
  Replies (33) Good night (710) Bad night (4240)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Someone just got laid.

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  (480): Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness? (774): Someone just got laid. http://tfl.nu/ub8q
  Replies (17) Good night (9287) Bad night (1247)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making

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  (703): ..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making http://tfl.nu/m2re
  Replies (10) Good night (3445) Bad night (934)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.

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  (860): She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it. http://tfl.nu/dkuo
  Replies (14) Good night (3647) Bad night (1310)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry

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  (219): I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry http://tfl.nu/lrp2
  Replies (21) Good night (1162) Bad night (4482)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives

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  (215): I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives http://tfl.nu/ehnp
  Replies (6) Good night (2020) Bad night (886)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  some bitch filled my sink with salsa.

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  (724): some bitch filled my sink with salsa. http://tfl.nu/iv44
  Replies (10) Good night (2343) Bad night (1486)
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  (760): View more from California

  He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?

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  (760): He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite? http://tfl.nu/b780
  Replies (6) Good night (3270) Bad night (911)
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  (323): View more from California

  I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.

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  (323): I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity. http://tfl.nu/wqm4
  Replies (6) Good night (1842) Bad night (601)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke

  (647): View more from Ontario

  She kept going

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  (647): She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke (647): She kept going http://tfl.nu/fte0
  Replies (2) Good night (1188) Bad night (382)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday

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  (613): Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday http://tfl.nu/1nci
  Replies (1) Good night (598) Bad night (315)
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  (716): View more from New York

  After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"

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  (716): After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous" http://tfl.nu/zxh1
  Replies (7) Good night (564) Bad night (327)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Especially drunk mermaids.

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  (208): That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck. (208): Especially drunk mermaids. http://tfl.nu/soai
  Replies (8) Good night (1195) Bad night (359)
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  (61): View more from Australia

  Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.

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  (61): Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive. http://tfl.nu/0qk3
  Replies (5) Good night (466) Bad night (258)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."

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  (937): Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals." http://tfl.nu/wo3q
  Replies (4) Good night (659) Bad night (291)

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