I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.