i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Boobs speak an international language.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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