I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We need to get me chipped asap
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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