I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
