I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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