So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
