covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
