called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
