So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
ok first of all what the fuck
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
