...so i touched it.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
