I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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