Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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