the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
