I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
