What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
