# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I puked a lego.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
