I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
