I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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