Swine flu. Run for my life!
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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