We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
