Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
