I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
it hurts more in the daytime
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
