The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
