my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
