im drinking this country out of the recession.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just want nice things and good sex
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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