You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
