What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
