We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
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