I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize