Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
well most of my day revolves around power hour
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
