shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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