Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
