i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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