just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
