i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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