I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
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just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
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You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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