Dual....:-)
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
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