I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
