if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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