i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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