I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
