no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
