is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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