i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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