I looked at my own cervix.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize