just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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