we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
