Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
