everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
