He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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