somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
