I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
