The maid of honor just puked.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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