I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
