i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
