I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
