Your face is a jimmy john
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
How does it feel to date your dad?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
