His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
