So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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