She's JV to your varsity
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
