we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
