im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I don't deserve a penis
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
third nipple confirmed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
