highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
